Passing before your eyes, your life
And slowing to stillness, your time
Released from your giving, your friends
You’re now for the taking
There’ll be no more waking
Your doctor just called it, your death.
Will someone please calm the screaming, the crying?
Where was emotion before I was dying?
She’ll bring a cake that was meant for a wedding,
He’ll comfort my friends and buy single bedding,
And they’ll come to church with their dogs always shedding.
The casket they choose, just right for the price,
“A memory box, oh goody, how nice!”
You never came to mind, only visited twice.
I was there for your birth, your wedding, your baby.
Will you attend my funeral, just maybe?
And these ladies I worked with before the grim reaper
Came early like some kind of creeper, they tested,
They teased him and taunted the one whom he haunted.
They guessed him a parent of children he flaunted,
So ghastly, so grim, so proper, so prim.
You’re early, I said, some days before dead,
Don’t pound that gavel, I have reward miles to travel,
Better get out the lead if you’re taking my head.
But now that you’re here on time and on site,
When do I run, or walk, or take flight?
Must I look at these folk in a whole different light?
Or may I just go to my judgment this night?
“Ma’am, there’s plenty of time for miscreants like you,”
Said the reaper to me, “Before you go, I thought you should view
The chances you had in your friendships, so few.”
Well, I have a ticket to walk in the light, above all the fright.
You won’t see my story in darkness tonight.
I’ve invested my wealth to bless many with riches,
But seeing them now, I’ve wasted on witches.
These “friends” I’ve made and before them now lay,
To speak from their heart, they have nothing to say.
I should have been loving and caring and prayed,
For each of these dear ones who now walk away.
I should have been nicer to that ne’er-do-well,
Whose only ambition would lead her to hell.
And what about Sonny who’ll have all my money?
How long can he keep his gold-digging honey?
Who will guide them now that I’m gone?
Soon I leave just a spot on a lawn.
Will anyone visit?
Will anyone grieve?
Will any fond memories
Be something I leave?
Tardy, I turn a new leaf, and dry out and burn,
Under sun and moon and stars, but none really learn
The wisdom I could share now had I but known,
The secret of living, a life we don’t own.
I bought the farm with nothing I’ve sown.
Death, you’re not fair; I’ll not go, I’ll turn back.
What exactly they lack, and what they should pack,
I’ll tell ’em what’s right with the help of a hack
In Dr. Seuss style, I’ll map every mile
In parody verse, their lives I will style.
This blogger, this flogger, who posts ignored prose,
Through me he’ll tell you how your life shall go.
Until you’ve stepped on everyone, you’re never on top,
I’m telling you all, do NOT ever stop.
So many enemies to conquer and plunder,
Couples to divide, completely asunder–
“Of yourself you’ve spoken remarkably well,”
Said the reaper and death, and the jury from hell.
“Although you have tickets you’ve purchased for heaven,
You shouldn’t have bought them from 7-Eleven.”
“The woman has spoken like hell hath no fury.
What say you, Reaper; and what say you Death and impartial jury?”
From Highest Court, decision requested,
The defendant, having been tested, now simply rested,
Parties ubiquitous now tallied the score.
The ballots were given to the blogger (the bore),
And they made him read it to Protestants and Catholics and more.
“Though Heaven gave seven, eyes to see goodness, gifts, and piety,
Hades’ bidding was triple sevens, ‘We find this one of perverse propriety,
Decidedly a person of our variety,'”
Said the blogger who finished the reading, and gladly — so winded.
The meeting adjourned, wound down, now ended,
“But I have free will to choose how things fall,” said the woman spewing the gall.
Then a voice seemed to slither out of the dark celestial hall,
“Dear woman, you’ll surely be the belle of Hell’s eternal ball.”
“Mom, wake up! Mom… Mom…MOM! WAKE THE HELL UP! MOM!”
“Oh, Sonny, what’s wrong with her?”
“I don’t know, Honey, she’s not waking up… MOM!”